Being a teenager is hard work. For every kid who makes it to school on time without a hitch every morning, there are also kids who struggle every single day to get through what seems an easy task to everyone else. Over the years, we have worked with students who have faced all kinds of obstacles. Emotional, social, and family circumstances can all add to their stress, and the anxiety often starts the night before school, before students have even gotten out of bed.
The inner dialogue of these students is often a layer cake of reasons not to go.
“What’s the point? I’m not in a presentable state of mind. I feel like crap, my parents are disappointed in me. I want to hide, I’m so embarrassed.”
Many students with anxiety carry insecurities that create a narrower window for success than typical high school students face. Their emotional reasoning comes into play when the process of waking up is not perfect, and their social anxiety is made worse. The gifted profile of many of our students can also feed a general criticism of going to class for the sake of education. Other than for socializing, attending school in person is often viewed as a useless activity. These students often say that avoiding being seen as a disappointment to their parents is the only thing that motivates them to leave the house and get to school at all.
Peers and parents can make matters worse, even when trying to help
When peers draw attention to someone’s attendance record, or are simply curious about their whereabouts, it makes matters worse. Parents can fall into a similar negative pattern when they voice their concerns or frustrations, when stepping back from ‘worry’ would be far more helpful. Gently pushing back on enabling behaviours, while applying reasonable and enforceable consequences, is a good parenting strategy, but only when worry and disappointment do not catastrophize the attendance issue.
How can your school help?
Whatever peer or parental influences are affecting students, we believe it is the school and the teachers who should take the main responsibility for being a source of motivation. Students can overcome, or sometimes just leap over, their impediments when there is a safe and comfortable place to land. At AVRO Academy, we call that place positive rapport, and it is critical to our success. We view course work and class participation as secondary to the foundational relationship between the student and the teacher. When the rapport is positive and productive, we can effectively address the daily impediments our students face while still teaching and evaluating their work.
Our team works together every week to continually assess and develop trusted student relationships that lay the groundwork for the understanding and engagement that, in time, supports happier, more mindful, and more responsible teens.
Talk to us about your teen. We are here to help them build a better high school experience.